Musings. Hidden in plain sight

 Dearest Reader,

I do not know how to start this, so I will just start.
               

I’ve known that I am meant to write since I began to articulate my thoughts. But this particular set of writings has come to me in the past few years as fragments and feelings more than a solid idea.
                The knowledge and urgency to write it has become stronger in recent months, though I know not what to write.

               

So here goes,

                An intelligence, which has experienced many cycles and viewed others cycles, now finds its self confident that it can accomplish the first cycle of flesh. Each cycle is unique in its own way, but this one has many challenges, and the intelligence has seen many buckle in this cycle.
                The first flesh cycle is unique because it causes a separation from the spiritual plane, which necessitates a veil of forgetfulness in order to allow each intelligences full immersion.
This cycle of flesh opens the intelligence to new sensations of the flesh previously felt and understood only in spirit and mind, which is newly comprehended with great yearnings felt in the flesh.

                There are myriad of obstacles individual to each intelligence as they enter the first flesh cycle.
While yet spirits they have reached a level of wisdom and experience allowing them the confidence to face this cycle. As they enter here, they are babes, vulnerable and helpless. Necessitating another’s growth in the flesh cycle, the spiritual and physical growth/unity of those who care and assist the baby. The baby grows and learns, and all who have raised children know, the baby is protected by unseen forces as well as those that they are here entrusted to.
                Each individuals customized journey on this earth (this first flesh cycle) is of great import to their previous cycles, and will impact their coming ones.

                Understanding that the heavens we long for are in the hand of the intelligence at every moment can help give power back to those who feel that perhaps the next cycle will be better… or the one after that. Indeed, each chapter of this life is a cycle of the whole of it, and this life is a cycle of our eternity. We may choose to find our heaven whenever we choose, whatever our circumstances.

                The world would like to focus on viruses, social tensions, wars, appearance, education and myriad of concerns.
 Here is truth,
When pure knowledge and understanding is a goal, in humility and sincerity, this brings intelligence in line with the memory of who they have been for many cycles, and also a kinship is reignited with the spiritual plane. God, Father and Mother, become mentors. All the squabbles, while sorrowful, are given perspective. Understanding and knowledge overcome the rudimentary inclinations of the flesh cycle, which are inclined to debase who we truly are. Disciplining this inclination and learning to hear the other side of ourselves elevates us to a higher cycle, allowing us a greater inheritance of light.

                The flesh inclines toward the fetal state in an effort to avoid pain and discomfort (meaning that we avoid progression for fear of change because of the comfort of what is known), yet in doing so only temporarily finds blind relief and then the pain and discomfort is not only drawn out but also increased tenfold. If the flesh and spirit, as one, leans into the discomfort that growth and progression bring not only is the pain less torturous, but it becomes almost sweetened by the journey and its outcome.

- Joanna Collett

The internal world is a Labyrinth

Dearest Reader,

              This past little while I have been dealing with a tearing at my soul.
After realizing how limited my study of theology has been, I decided to gather some scriptures that I would not usually spend the time studying (The books of Enoch, The Gnostic Gospels, The Vedas). Each of these have their beauty and truth as does The Holy Bible and other scriptures, I have enjoyed reading them and will continue to. I also decided to study some of the Hermetic philosophy as outlined in ‘The Kybalion’. This is millennia old information, which has its roots in eternal truths. These truths spoke to me and confirmed some questions I had been asking God through prayer.

              As my mind caught hold upon all the new insights I was gaining from these books, I felt my conviction to Christ and Heavenly Father step away (I don’t know how else to explain it. My soul seemed to step away from them) The thing is, the research further proved their existence and influence in all of life, yet still I have felt the distance.

              I’ve always felt that when we learn some of the mysteries of Heaven, that it will be like a memory returning. Something logical that connects easily to our understanding. I found this within these books, but I also found that it left me feeling less enchanted by the whole process of Becoming.

              When I talked with Brad about it he said,
“The Lord taught simply for a reason. We can go through and get deep with many aspects of scripture, but the fact remains, Christ taught simply.”
Later he said to me…
“It seems like you have stepped into a labyrinth without tying your rope at the entrance. You have truths you have known your whole life, you cannot find happiness by abandoning them in search of these new truths. All truth should work together. So hold onto the truth you already know, and take them with you into the rabbit hole.
If something doesn’t bring happiness, then why spend time on it at all? I just want your happiness”

              A part of me felt the need to find all truth at all costs, but I realized that there is more wisdom in Brad’s words than my studying had taught me.
 1. Hold onto the truth you already know.
 2. Why spend time on something that brings unhappiness?

              One of the Hermetic laws is ‘the great fourth principle of Polarity’
“Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled.” – The Kybalion

              This can apply to truths thusly, Truths and Falsehoods are opposites of the same thing, different only by degree. Then when considering this truth, that we create our own lives and the lives of our posterity, we literally get to choose which truth we desire to follow! And how much we emphasize the different truths we choose to follow. By doing this we create around ourselves the world we want to see, and it is True. One may choose to believe they are a fairy and can fly from a tree, for a moment the wind will blow through their hair, only to be met very strongly by the law of gravity. So an understanding of universal truths is necessary to create our own worlds and make them stick through generations.

              Here’s what I know to be True. I know now through logic that God is real, and that the difference between God and Me is in degree. But I have known this from birth in my whole being, a feeling that ‘I am a stranger here’ has always been within me and I have known that Heavenly Father knows me.
              Humans are so human! We all screw up constantly!! Even the best of us, throughout all of the scriptures, we make mistakes. So when I hear of Prophets doing stupid things, I kind of am at the point of shrugging… I don’t believe in a man, I believe in Christ. And this is how I choose to follow Him. Not just because it creates a beautiful life for me, but also for my family.

              I don’t intend to limit my learning, I have found a serious hole in my studies which I am anxious to remedy. I am determined to know all truth! But while I study I will bring with me the truth I already know, so I don’t get lost down the rabbit hole again.

God bless,

Joanna

reflections

23 September 2019

Dearest Reader,

               My last post was December 2017. A lot has happened in that time, and the time has passed like a dream. I would like to share some things I have learnt during this passing of time. First, it is that time is not always equal. Any woman that has gone through birth knows that time stops and speeds up in strange ways. Three minutes of contraction can feel like the world has stopped turning and eternity holds its breath in those moments, then it passes and all of life spins around you in slow motion and neck breaking speeds for the next year of that baby’s life. I have also learnt that time is not linear to The Gods, and that as we gain greater understanding and become One time can also change for us in being able to see more of the end from the beginning.
               I know now that suffering is relative. All who exist in this world suffer, no one is immune, and it is necessary for our growth. We tend to compare sufferings, but I will say that having people love me and nurture me through my paralysis has made this suffering much easier than the episodes of depression I have gone through without so much love. We cannot know how much others have suffered and must love all as if they’ve been through Hell, because we all have. There is a secret I have learnt, it is that when you look weak people feel sympathy and desire to help, but if you look put together and people assume you’re doing great that the feeling to help you isn’t present. Here is part of the secret of Zion… A people who are of One heart and One mind are a people who care about each other’s lives (not to gossip or judge) but to lighten the burdens which we all carry, whether we look strong or weak it should be noted that we all truly are weak and are made strong together.
               I’ve learnt that Heavenly Father sees His covenant keeping children as an extension of Himself. I have had many occasions where I have prayed for a meeting with The Lord, and within seconds of such prayers Brad has come in to comfort me, or my sons, a family member has called, or a friend has come to the door. It took me several times to finally realize what He was trying to teach me… I am surrounded by His messengers and He sees them as Himself.
               The purpose of life is to learn to enjoy things that are difficult for us. As a child I remember wishing that anyone might save me from any sort of work, inside the house or outside (I used to pray fairies were real and could do all my chores). Now I clean and work without much complaint and usually feel gratitude 1. That my body is capable and 2. At the outcome. The task itself might not be enjoyable, but the self-discipline I have gained is more satisfying than the enjoyment might have been. In this same vain, I have learnt how having less of what I crave (sweets, tv, sleep etc) and making choices to do things that are more difficult (make a salad, write a card, create conversations with my family) has brought this scripture to life, “bridle your passions that ye may be filled with love”. Doing things that are right isn’t something we do to get heaven points; it is something we do to create heaven within ourselves (become a new creature). That is why sacrifice is so important, because it changes us from being a leaf driven by the wind, to a rock that forges its own path. It literally gives us power. In this practice we become more like Christ, which then makes His Atonement more active in our lives, because we practiced the faith to sacrifice. A few months ago I woke up with the impression that I had to cut out most of the food I was eating and restrict myself to fruit, veg, legumes, nuts and eggs for at least one month. I cried! I told Heavenly Father how chocolate was the only thing getting me through the day right now! After I finished my sook, The Holy Ghost said “Isn’t it worth it to see if it helps?” and I said “yes, but I am not capable. I cannot do this, but I desire to follow The Lord’s advice.” Here I asked for the power of Jesus Christ’s Atonement. I promised that I would hold on to my desire if He could please take care of the rest. He did it! A power that was not mine came into me and I did not desire or crave anything other than what The Lord had commanded. There were a couple of times that bacon was served on salad and I ate it, but even after realizing The Lord was still so proud of me and kept His Power sustaining me. I don’t know how to explain it other than THIS WORKS and GOD IS GOD BECAUSE HE CAN FULFILL HIS PROMISES! Even the ones that tell us we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us.
               My family and I are well. We face challenges as you all do, but we love life, each other and Our God so much! May this week find each of us understanding Jesus Christ a little more. The friend who has always been ready to receive us.

               God bless

Joanna Joy

              
                

Merry Christmas

Dearest Family and Friends,

                This year has been full of so many changes and opportunities for learning.
On the 24^th of March Oliver joined our family and we simply cannot imagine life without him! We’ve all had to make adjustments but we have become a stronger and more loving family because of him. He had a bit of a rough start with bi-lateral hernia operations and subsequent infections, but he is now healthy and strong and walking around like he owns the joint!
                Charlie is talking very well and learning how to communicate his feelings accurately. He is clear on when his is sad, angry and happy. Charlie loooooves to have bathes with Oliver as they both laugh their heads off while splashing each other and their mama. Charlie got to be in an art class for several weeks and made so many cool art projects, his favorite by far was working with clay and paint.
                We were recently given the whole library of ‘BriteKids’ material from Mum and Dad Spiller. We have been enjoying learning about Obedience, Honesty, Safety and other awesome values. We’ve noticed that listening to these stories and some general conference or scriptures in the morning makes all the difference in Mama’s patience and Charlie’s obedience. Charlie’s favorite songs are from The Safety Kids, mine is from the story of Happiness.
                Brad was accepted into Physical Therapy school in New Hampshire. We moved here in August thanks in very large part to Mom and Dad Collett! Brad has been studying VERY hard! He has been putting in so much work to achieve excellent grades, and still makes time for wrestling the boys or reading a book, and cuddling with me and a chat. He is such an excellent Husband, Father and friend.
                On the weekends we try to do something new here in New Hampshire! We’ve visited Charmingfare Farm, Apple Orchards, The Beaches, Manchester City, The Boston Temple, cut down our own Christmas tree, The Stonehenge of America, and many other things. New England is very beautiful and the people match the scenery. We’ve felt really privileged to be in this part of the world. We’ve made so many new friends and often have to pinch ourselves at how blessed we’ve been. God is good.
                I am mumming it up! Learning about keeping to routines and disciplining with love (the boys and myself). I find it hard to see so little of Brad, but I know this is a short season. We are learning so very much about the joys of budgeting, and the gratitude felt when we receive help from family and friends. Time is such a valuable commodity these days, and to have people we hold so dear share their time with us means so so much! I cannot even express how much.
                Thank you to all of you who have been so active in our lives this year. We are grateful for your time and kindness.
                May this Christmas spark new beginnings for a greater year in all of us.

With love

The Collett family
Brad, Joanna, Charlie and Oliver
               

 

Things I thought I knew

 Dearest Reader,

                This week my dad had a stroke. You know how you go through day to day and eventually by the age of 28 and three quarters you have certain feelings and emotions that fit who you are. Then something happens like you dad having a stroke, it is kind of like having a whole pizza in front of you, you see it all and think you know it all, then BOOM there’s a whole other piece of pizza and it’s not even the same flavour!!
                When I heard that dad had a stroke and in an ambulance headed to the hospital, things stopped for a little bit.
                When something happens to me that is dramatic or needs processing I go through PTS or ‘Post Traumatic Stress’. I really wish it was more instant, but the fact is I process everything. I need to know if what I am feeling is real and if I should be feeling more or less, or if what I was told could possibly be incorrect. So after sitting for a while and getting a little more information I realize, this is happening. So here comes the piece of pizza that pops out of nowhere, a whole new level of fear.
                Dad is doing well now. There are a whole bunch of tests and more observation that he needs to undergo, but our hopes are high with good reason.
                How do you know that you are a good child to your parents, good sibling to you siblings, or a good friend to your friends?
                Each individual in my family is incredible. I could go on with accolades for each one. But my parents are a new level of awesome. Of course we are the pretty typical child and parent relationship. As a child I worshiped them, as a teen they totally ‘cramped my style and ruined my life’, now as an adult and parent myself there’s a different and real respect and appreciation.
                The reality is dad gave up his life for us. He wasn’t a part of sports clubs, or any sort of extracurricular activity. His life has literally been work to support us for decades, if that isn’t a one way ticket to godhood I don’t know what is. Gentle, understated and persistent, this is the recipe of a man who has encouraged complete respect and admiration from all of his family. He is excellent! If you know him you’re lucky, if you don’t know my dad you are missing out.
                Joanna Collett

Privilege

Dearest Reader,

                I have been meaning to write this letter for some time now; however the business of life can be quite distracting.
                My topic today is the relationship between parent and child. Becoming a mother has given me a new view and understanding of all of the different things that have been expressed and expected around the relationship. I now have the relationship and so am able to speak with some authority on the subject, however I will say here that Charlie is 15 months old and so I have not experienced all of the phases of parenting. This being said, I believe all things to be a type and a shadow.*
                My main concern or conflict with the expectation expressed about this relationship by many throughout life is this, the idea that a child owes a parent for bringing them life and raising them. It is one thing to hear this heartfelt gratitude from a child/children, it is quite another to hear this expectation from the parents of a child/children. First and foremost, Brad and I have prayed and hoped and delighted in the decision to bring Charlie into this world. This was very much our decision. It could be said that Charlie decided that he wanted to come to earth through us, however this does not stand, as we could have chosen to not have any children. So here is the truth, Charlie is here because Brad and I decided we would love to have him in our lives. We did not know fully what sort of commitment we had ahead of us, but I believe that is probably why God gives us one, or two, babies at a time. We become educated on what this parenting business requires and then are able to make decisions on how many more we can care for.
                Beyond the fact that we chose to have Charlie in our lives, and though it is very difficult at times, he has brought abundance to Brad and I, both as a couple and individually. We have learned so very much from him! About love, sacrifice, priorities, discipline, bridling passions, play and living in the moment. It is like when you are single you live in 2D, then you marry and life becomes 3D, now our perspective has opened and life is 4D! Our minds and hearts are expanded because of the inclusion of this beautiful child into our family relationship.
                So you see why I repel the idea that my baby owes me anything for the life I have given him. I feel the exact reverse; I owe it to him to show him this life, to introduce him into this world in a way that gives him what he has given us.
                 I will end this by noting that I have the ability to train him to discipline himself, he has his own personality and is basically a kind and generous soul. If I sour these Christlike attributes by my own lack of self-discipline or pride than I have soured them and I certainly hope and pray that I do not, and pray he is strong enough to change the things I ought to have. The reality is that he is a reflection of Brad and I, yes he has his own characteristics and personality and may indeed decide to become a rascal despite our best efforts, but it is undeniable that he learns from us.
                This has been playing on my mind for some time. I hope that I will always see what I can do for my babies rather than what they ought to do for me. 

                Joanna Joy Collett

*A type and shadow is a term used in the scriptures to describe an experience that represents a similar experience on a larger scale. For example, we are given a family in this life to help teach us about Gods family, of whom we are a part. We are given the opportunity to become parents in this life to help teach us of Gods parenthood.

Lessons learnt through blue

Dearest Reader,

                Yesterday was December 13^th which means that Charlie is now 7 months old. Throughout the last seven months I have felt the most intense highs and lows. When I first married Brad I felt a new sense of love and a new fear for the loss of that love, with the birth of Charlie the love and fear have heightened. I have felt tired in a way I didn’t think existed, being pulled at physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. But I have not known love and joy like this. When I watch Charlie laughing at something Brad does something inside me fills to the brim and overflows… It is like being in the cold water all day long, to come home to a hot shower and get into a warm clean bed. There is a new sense of home. Home is such a strange word, I used to think it was where you were born or raised, now it is wherever Brad and Charlie are.
                Sometimes I think about how much I rely on them, and the thought of their loss scares me. It makes me realize even more that money is really only paper, or a number on a screen, and the things that surround us and so often define us (cars, drapery, tables, cushions, tv, computers, games etc) these things are just that, things. They are so often what stands in the way of real moments. It is like C.S. Lewis wrote in The Screwtape Letters, that murder is just as good as playing cards if playing cards will bring one away from God. The point is that small distractions are more often more effective in wasting our lives than anything, they rob us of moments we might have had. And the ridiculousness of it is this, that I am so willing for the distractions, that I am almost begging for another moment of mindless nothingness to come along. Doesn’t it seem silly when you think that for one hour in a day I could sit and watch an episode of my favourite program, or even a program that is mildly entertaining (sometimes not entertaining at all) instead of sit on the floor with my baby and watch him struggle to pull himself up and see his pride when he does, or sit on my husbands’ lap and enjoy talking to him about anything, or even sit in a quiet room and meditate. Instead my preference is so often to stare blankly at something that conserves no energy but only takes it (mysteriously) and then feel somehow that I have justifiably accomplished something. I know that there are times that nothing needs to be done, it is important to know how to judge those times. I wish that watching things mindlessly on the telly were all the distraction around me, but it really isn't. The internet is a very tempting distraction with Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, WOW, Pintrest, Ebay, Amazon, Games, browsing, ANYTHING! Distractions surround us like never before. It all seems so obvious to me in this moment how wasteful I can be. In the same moment Father’s teaching methods also seem obvious.
                When Charlie tries to stand up, he bumps his head and sometimes wants to cry. Sometimes he needs to cry because he needs to express his hurt or disappointment, I do that too sometimes. But what is incredible about this little champ is that he rarely gets disappointed! He just gives a big smile and tries again! He was born with this character trait, I knew he was a determined little man when he was still in my belly. But here comes the analogy, I watch him and let him bump his head, I encourage him to be optimistic and try again I do not judge him for having underdeveloped muscles, but rather I praise him for trying to develop those muscles! For having the determination to keep trying even though it sometimes seems so disheartening. I am proud of my son, though it may seem to some that he has accomplished little in 7 months of life, to me he has accomplished so much and so well.
              Surely Father sees us in this way. Time and again He sees how we fall into timewasting habits, knowing that time is our most valuable commodity (aside from love) but He lets us fall and is proud when we realize it! Is proud again when we make a choice to recognise the moment and change, and when we fall again he encourages us to keep trying. Our muscles are developing, and He is strong enough to step back and let us learn.
                Many have said that there is no greater miracle than birth, that we are closest to heaven in this moment. I understand the sentiment, but I feel there is something lacking. Does the world get in and distract us once we get back to life? Once the baby is growing, our husbands are working and studying, we are working and raising children? What are we doing with our time? What are we working toward? And is what we are doing today supporting our goals for the future? Do we even know what those goals are? I'm not going to sugar coat it, birth is the hardest thing I have every physically done, and it's really not fun at all! I've never felt so scared for my life and the life of my baby. Whilst this does lend to moments of relying solely on God, I have had to rely on Him even more since Charlie has been living. And again, I have never known so much gratitude and felt so much joy in God's plan like I have over the past seven months.
                My dad told me once that the most important thing in life is the relationships we make through this journey.  I have felt for a long time that my worth was based on how hard I work, what degrees I do or don’t have, the things I have accomplished. Now I see that my worth is based on who I am and how I love. I have to say that much of my worth comes from the way Father accepts me, how Bradford loves me, and now how Charlie relies and loves us. I see flaws in my thoughts and actions, but at the moment I’m trying to picture myself learning to walk.
                Bradford continues to study and work hard. He helps me around the house despite his intense schedule, and on top of that he finds time each day to tell me I’m beautiful and that he loves me. Charlie is beginning to pull himself up and shuffle along furniture, he crawls so fast!! He is an extremely happy and determined soul. I am being the best mum and wife I can be, I am learning how to care less about what others think and focus more on what me and my family need.
                I am leaving you now with the first real snow of this season falling outside. There is so much to be had out of this life, we just choose what we take out of it. It truly is a choice, our choice.
                God bless you and continue to remind you.
Joanna Collett

“Prosperity knits a man to the world. He feels that he is finding his place in it, while really it is finding its place in him.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters